Damn cousin of mine gave me a ring last night as I had feared she would. My mom was wondering aloud earlier why she hadn't called. Just goes to show that words have great vibrating powers !
"Do you want to come to a house meeting at my house today" my cousin sounded expectant with her sickeningly positive attitude over the other end of the line. Funny all these Amway distributors have this same attitude. I wonder if these people actually train them to sound like that ! I told her that I couldn't go to this weeks meeting as I had to clean up the house. I always end up cursing myself for my lack of boldness just to tell her straight to the face that I do not want to go these meetings as I preffered another sort of lifestyle and did not fancy being a sales person no matter how much the pay it promised. Then I began to ponder why don't I do it. There are a few reasons actually. I just do not like the way these people look at you like you need to be saved or something. They give you this look like you are leading a life of sin or missing some great thing by not being a Amway person. They make you feel absolutely dirty for not being one with them. The other reason I guess it's this damn inherent trait in me wanting to be nice to everyone.These people I view as time parasites that suck up all your time but not benefitting me in any way.( So is porno but then that is another tale for another day ) I just can't live my life pleasing everyone. Just like the time the damn christian guy walked into my dorm room and I made a complete fool of myself.
I should just limit my being a nice guy to people who are closest to me. The rest of them are just not worth my time. Time is short as it is...
Day before yesterday just after work I hurried to the bank to get my card changed to the new chip based card just because the human resource people in my factory has no concept of having a fixed system for annoucements. They announced the people from the bank was here through the PA system. The day before it was through the email ! Grrreeaatt !! They musta thought that even the sound waves in Mieco Chipboard were special and could somehow travel through air conditioned rooms !! When I went to confront Zee she just gave me this "you should have known" look and quickly pointed out that I should go in the afternoon as it was a half working day. Greeeaaatttt !!!!
Fast Foward to the bank and there I was waiting to get my card replaced sitting in front of this chinese chick and trying my best to accomodating and nice through the slew of bad english and grammar this chick was throwing at me. While waiting, she brought reached out for this brochure infront of her and said "Now Mister Low ..." I thought "Noooooo .... please don't try and sell me anything !!!!!", but my greatest fear at the time was realised, she went on to explain to me how the bank was offering some kind insurance that was gonna cost me only about rm 50 a month. Thinking I had no way to escape this I quickly picked up that brochure and pretended to go into this trance of reading it .... all the thinking "Get the damn card ready !! I just want my card" .... Seeing me reading the doc she started to wait for my reply while holding out this pen ... expectantly. She had this look on her face that read "If you don't buy this u are really a bozo who doesn't think two hoots about your future". Sales people always has this ability to put you through this guilt trip ... I wonder if we could try to sell ehrms this way ? :) " If you don't buy this you are the worst hrm manager in the planet !!" he he... anyways ... my card finally came and i told her a quite a convincing white lie saying that i had to consider the thing first ... to this end i noticed that I have made this closing remark into quite an art ... "closing remark" here is saying "I don't want what u are selling but I will be back" message to sales people. My top three ( planned to write 5 but hey I am lazy and my hands are sore okay ??!! --> tunnel carpal syndrome ) are :
1. What time does your shop close ? I will come back later if I want it
2. Let me have a look at this. I have do some personal planning on my side. ( this artistic one I laid on the chinese chick :) )
3. I will walk around first .. there are other heavier stuff i have to get first ( this baby works really well with shampoo sales girls in supermarkets )
Last night while going through the newspaper with their usual Christmast adverts a thought went through my head and I spent the better whole of last night trying to find the answer.Why is it that I don't feel celebrations like i used to ?No matter wether it's christmast, Hari Raya or Chinese New Year, the celebration or the spirit of them has somehow silently and secretly left me and I only starting to realise it now ... I no longer enjoy myself during these celebrations ! I look back at the times when I was younger, celebrations like these were waited with anticipation and there was like something magical about them ... a warm and fuzzy feeling, a feeling of belonging ...togetherness. Now each of these festivities just seem more like an endless barrage of people coming to my house and me having to try to act in mature way. It was then that I realise the answer.
Time and Age has robbed us of the most precious gift of all. Our childhood or more spesifically our child's view of the world. Growing up has it's price and this is one that we pay most dearly. In the midst of trying to grow up surviving chiding remarks like "Grow up !", "Don't be like a baby !","Please act more mature !" has left it's indefatable mark on me. I guess I did grow up. How do I know ? I no longer see the world with the innocence of a child. I am loosing the ability to wonder, to smile. Everything is now colored with my prejudices of the world. The world is no longer a playground, now it's like a mine field and to come out alive you have to play by the rules. Then I see people spend money paying for theraphy buying books like "Follow your heart" trying to rekindle the child in them. With this season of celebration it has only brought about in me a feeling of loneliness and jadedness while I try to find the child in me.
