This morning while on my way to my transport to work, I was thinking about why I hated weddings or old school mate gatherings so damn much and I finally figured it out. It isn't caused by the banality of the conversations or teh settings rather it's the dreaded question : What is your work now ? .Teh reason why the question above sends my mind into turmoil is that it forces me to really look at myself and what I have done. Essentially what I have boiled down to thus far. Trust me, if the answer to the question above is a lie as in you say you are like say managing 4 or 5 projects in your company but in reality you just shift papers around all day and do essentially nothing, then your conscience will get the better of you as you begin to question from within Damn ! This bloke job sounds better than mine and I am sure he / she really does do what he / she says...... Let me tell you from first hand experience, this is not a nice feeling. The act of forcing yourself to summarize what you are doing thus far in your life is sort of like a wake up call. It will force you to take of those rose coloured glasses you may have been using to preceive the world. Although the answer that finally splurts out of your lips maybe a lie but the process of re-evaluating yourself, your achivements will go on and most often than not it will be a painful one as you internally start to grasp in your head what the heck you have been busy doing all these months / years in your life and do your achivements really have any meaning to you... The process of this self-evaluation normally leaves me with the thought ... Oh my god ! Is that all I am doing now ?? What the heck was I busy with all this time ?? People younger than me have achieved so much more !! When can I say something I am proud of ???. Now I guess I understand why i hate to see my old friends so much !
Also, the question of what I am doing or working as now is really something stupid as it will lead to an atmosphere where my friends start sizing me up and the question that natuarlly comes after the first question will be How much are you paid ?That's the normal criteria that a person will use to judge another's progress in life with. Tell them you are doing nothing but improving yourself internally and they will give you that You no good bum !! look. Tell them that you are getting paid less than them and they will give you the oh you poor little puppylook. Hey !! I have got a surprise for all of you. Progress in something as subjective as our own lives is not just measured by those yard sticks ! Teh question of how well or how bad a person is progressing in life should not be based upon your job title as well as your pay. It should rather be based upon how much you are growing as well as improving. How much better you are today compared to yesterday and normally pay and job titles are poor yard sticks to measure this kind of advancement. How much do you actually get paid when you learn up how use a free software ? How much do you actually get paid when you learn to manage an open source project as well as communicate with your project team mates effectively ? How much do you get paid when you start to discover you confidence again through rediscovering yourself ? Well all of this things translate to anything that can be measured by the two variables that is your pay and your job title ? I am pretty sure if my answer to the question of what I am doing now are these ... I am sure my friends will give me that I am not impressed look. Well, the thing is now I don't really take it so hard on myself anymore as I have slowly but surely found myself once more. I live my life based on my own rules and when I look in the mirror it's a reflection of me looking back not what my friends preceive me as. My control of how they preceive me ends outside of me so why bother ? They can think what ever they want to think. I am really too busy trying to live my own life.Welcome back to the world Low Kian Seong !
Scenario : you are swimming up to a beach formely unexplored by you in the past .... you feel happy and satisfied to finally be one of the only person to reach this virgin part of the beach Finally ! an untouched part of the beach !! you say to yourself. Suddenly as you feet fall the soft sands of teh beach your vision as you look down is greeted by the world famous golden arches of a used Mc Donald's box !
Fuck you pundek beach polluters ! You humans are like a virus you move to a place u use up all the place resources then u move on says Agent Smith in the matrix ... and looking at the poor state of Telok Chempedak beach I tend to agree with him. This is the image I get when i do a google on 'Telok Chempedak' :
Well all I can say is if the state of pollution of the beach continues on as it is .. you better take a loong look at that picture because in the end that picture is all you are going to have ... cause the reality of the beach is like a sick parody of that picture. Paper cups, paper boxes, tin foils are recklessly strewn all around the place. For god sake if you are going to the beach to have a picnic or have some fun, fucking clean up after yourselves. Man ! something like that has to be reminded ! Why does the government / authorities have to play "big bro" in everything you do ? Because you can't even keep something as simple as the beach clean by yourselves idiots ! Article after article I see iterating that we are a mature enough Malaysian lot and we can think for ourselves. If this is proof of that statement I think we better get our fucking head out of the sand coz if maturity has anything to do with age and measured our acts then the state of the beach reflects we haven't even been born yet !! I picked up a few pieces of the rubbish on the beach but realising in my heart what boar must have thought when he did the same the last time he came around these small acts of kindness to the beach will not measure up to the slew of rubbish coming from the tens of thousands of visitors to the beach. Bet u polluters must be thinking that MPK will clear your shit up for you, why don't you make your house a fucking litter bin knowing that MPK will clear it up for you ? Shoot em dead is what I say ...
