Who said being honest was hard ?? I found like a way you can be totally honest on IM ... say anything and get away with it ... and hey the advantages of instant messaging is, most prolly the other guy / gal is too far to beat the living day lights out of you anyway. Sorry I was digressing ... anyway the method is so simple you would kick yourself for not figuring it out yourself. Just add a "hehe" or a smiley ( ':)' for the non-chat savvy ) to the end of your dastardly honest statement and it will work wonders. The other person will miracously just swill down what ever you say !
Allow me to demonstrate : ...
Hey ummm ... I like had sex with your gf last night man ... hehe ... I think you are an unconsiderate asshole ... hehe I think u are the ugliest bitch i ever saw ... hehe
Just sweep it all under the cloak of the "hehe"'s and it's like you got the cheat code for invincibility in quake. Nuthin' can touch u mites !! You could even tell the other fella / fellete tat you were the irresponsible bastard that took his /her text book during last trimester's exam causing him / her to resit the exam this trimester and pretty much get away with it unscathed ! Try it and you will see ridicously easy being honest actually is ...
While I on the topic of IM's let me tell you about the most abused feature of IM's nowadays. This feature is called the 'status message' ! The original idea of the status message was so that the other person would know of your status on your side so that the other person could save himself / herself the embarassment of sounding like a moron by trying to find you with "Are you there ? hello ? are you there ?". Well guess what ?! This feature of IMs is so abused, 3/4 of the time I still find myself messaging away with that moronic line !!
Instead of displaying useful status messages like Away | Mastubrating | Sleeping , these people with half a brain wants to get creative on the status message by totally irrelevant status messages like "Life taste better slowly" or something else stupid to that same effect. Hello brother ! If you really feel the creative juices overflowing your brains out of your ears please do me and the rest of the planet's a big favour by either :
Writing a book of "Instant Messaging status message gems" and put em all inside there. This way you can save me the agony of looking your dumb ass quotes ever time i on my messenger and heck you can even make a few ringgit from your creative side.
Installing a way old version of everybuddy who *do not* support custom messages
There are also a select few pompous idiots who displays the songs they are playing on their winamps ( with the help of plugins ) on their status messages. Everytime I look at this I am wondering what could be the purpose of these dumb ass custom messages. Do you want to brag about the songs you have in your collection to me or do you want to show me what I am missing on my box by not having a sound card ? No matter how I think about it there is just no good reason why these people would want to do this. For the information of you stupid DJ wannabes I have introduced a few of my "chat buddies" to my good friend, the /dev/null of instant messengers called the "ignore list" because of actions similar to this. So please proceed with your stupidity of abusing the custom message feature and not to worry you will meet him purty soon. Once, mohan and me even came across Mr. Pandai here who left his custom message as " [ I am invisible ] ". Dooh !!
Man ! How I miss the good olde days when everybuddy didn't have cust0m messages ..... asfasdf
The other day I had to like refill my motorbike with petrol at this petrol kiosk near my house and while paying the money at the counter my vision was pulled towards the face of the girl at the kiosk counter. For a few moments I just stood there looking at her face thinking. This girl was what I would describe as quite beautiful except her lip had a cleft on it that exposed her teeth in a very unappealing way. What raced through my mind at this point in time was how much effort she would have to put into her work or life for people to take her seriously because of a "defect" like that. For much as we like to comfort ourselves by thinking that we do not or try not to judge a person by his / her look we do so every hour and every minute of our lives. I remembered how good I felt when one of the girls commented how much I looked like one of the movie stars on TV and how I just take a quick stare at myself in the bathroom mirror everytime I visit the Loo.... for that few moments standing infront of that girl I felt extreme shame.
Moralistic high handed Low Kian Seong initially felt sorry for this girl for the sheer effort she would have to exert in everything she did for the rest of her life just to be excepted like the rest of us. However, what happened next was like a small nirvana for me. Dumbfounded and jaws agape I realised that ripping this flimsy external thought from my mind revealed something very very ugly. I realised that parts of me was the same as those bigotted people who would make her whole life miserable and lonely because of how she looked ! For a moment I felt shock at these revelations. It was like Jekyell meeting Hyde for the first time, it was like Charles X Xavier realising who Onslaught really was ... My thinking these thoughts have put me in the same league as those people who would judge this beautiful girl by the cleft on her lip. That boss that would make her work doubly hard because of the way she looked. "Samaritans" who would stare at her and shed their filthy pity on her so that they can feel good about themselves because of the fact that they felt pity for her and and the same time thank god they are not that way when they walked away. I felt anger, sadness and bitterness rolled into one at that time. I felt the dirtiness of the fact that I was in a way in cohort with these people I have sworn that I would not be all this time. I felt angry at myself for as much as I try not to judge a person by his / her look I still did everytime I admired that stuck up bitch that walks around in my office and everytime I feel a distaste to talk to another just because of her look. I felt sickened by all of this and the image of standing infront of me made me confront this dark and filthy side of me I keep hidden even from myself. Under the glare of this new light that ugly beast of my personality with the gigantic cleft on it's face was all but too obvious for me to hide. I felt sickened by my own hipocrisy all this time. I did judge people by how they look ! It was a staggering moment indeed as I used to tell people that if your judge people by their looks alone that you would miss out on the most beautiful part of people, their souls. What happened to that ? Was that all a lie a soothing tale to make myself sound good and holy ? Words to put me good and snug on my moral high horse while looking at the mere mortals below ? I had no answer. If indeed I did not judge others by their looks why did I not see the beauty in her ? Why was it the first thing I saw was that cleft ?
For a good part of the week this thought gnawed relentlessly and mercilessly inside my head like a rabid rat. Each bite and each claw exposing more and more facets of myself that I keep nicely hidden away. It forced me to see myself under a different light. A not so flattering light. I realise that judging people by how good they look has been through the years built into me. Built even deeper than my hate of vanity. It was at an instintive level. My mind automatically seeks out beautiful objects or people. This really riled the anger and disgust at myself to a peak. Spring cleaning my memories with a fire hydrant hose I thought about the 29 years I have been preaching about looking skin deep for beauty and frowned upon people who did not look for it. I am an accomplished liar indeed !! It was so convincing I believed it myself. All of those years of refusing to comb my hair when my father dropped me at school, not listening to mohan when he told me to dress up for the office .. beliving that doing those things reflected my beliefs that people should not be judged by their looks... What are those things now ? Lies that I tell myself to pamper and comfort myself in my own delusional comfort bubble. Like neo I think it's about time to get up !!
The best part of all of this is that when i started this entry I was going to start of all high and mighty by feeling sorry for this girl and then get angry at the world for the unfairness she is bound to receive in her life because of the way she looked. The effort she would have to exert in order for people to look past her features and really into her. Finishing the first paragraph I realise the real reason why the thought kept on incesstantly bothering me was not because of this, rather it was the fact that I *was* one of these *people* who is doing this to her. There was a benign ugly growth in me that was kept hidden from even myself all these years. Now I realise why I was close to tears looking at her. I felt ashamed for I had wronged her. I could not hide the bigot in me no longer and suddenly for that moment I felt her look straight into my soul.
Here, I would like to record my thanks and apology to this girl whoever she is ( I hope fate has it in store that she might read this one day ). Just seeing you was like a good jarring slap on the face to wake me up out of years of deep,selfish slumber. THANK YOU. I might just walk up and tell her about this blog one of these day ....
I am blogging this entry from a software called Chronicle LiteI have always wanted to tryout somekind of blogging software as this is really easy and it gives you the full power of creating really great html using tools that are present in applications. A blogging plugin for dreamweaver perhaps ?
I guess based on this fact that this blog is appearing on the site proves that it works ....
This blogger templating system is really starting to piss me off Got to keep on posting to see my changes dammit. I can see why ditesh moved his blog over ... I am wondering if i keep on making fun of the free house that I am staying in will the landlady kick me out of the house ? Out of advice from mr fat guju I am osso changing the layout of my template... just for the fun of it...
Sipping my shui shien ( a type of tea for the uninitiated ) and feeling fine. This is the optimum time to update my ( in )-frequently updated blog. I was browsing through miss annie's Blog and one of the lines in one of her past blogs caught my attention.
: :
I have asked myself a million times why I am doing this online journal thing. Me who never kept a diary nor journal. Too go from that to a public diary, assuming this is what this blog is gonna be about. I still have not decided. Why would I want to let people know about my mundane life, especially at a time when I have nothing much to entertain myself with, never mind other-assuming this is a artist-writing-for-the-masses blog. With 40 days left in University and a million of possibilities in the future, my life could be a series of cool episodes or just a mundane draggy lifestyle. What would I have to blog about then?
Truth be told, I am a exhibitionist. I want my lifestyle to be made public. To have people read about me and think, My god, she's good! I seek praises. I seek exclaimation marks. I seek a cult following. : :
Like her too I have often pondered why is it that I keep this blogging activity up through rushing deadlines, thru hiding it from dumbArSE ( although being a DA as him he prolly won't know what is a blog ), through really tired nights.... I wonder what gives me the energy and focus to keep this up .... A lot of reasons popped up in the old clonker right from keeping a journal to monitor my life's improvements ( or deprovements ? ) or to share my life story with the masses so as to touch a few souls and for the sake of communication. All of the reasons just did not fit right into the core reason why I blog though. I felt that the reasons were too noble for this blog and it did not explain a huge part of how I felt looking at my blog daily as well as the experience of updating it from the author's point of view.
Then while pounding the pavement this morning throught the haze of sweat and grunts, admist the farmiliar swishing and plopping sound my asics made on the ashpalt, it hit me. The main reason why I blog daily is because this is my own private electronic real estate where I can let out all my pent up angst with a good daily electonic scream ! It is my own private domain where I can be an asshole without fear of recrimination or just run around naked without care of the world. In a world where we are forced to act sane and grown up with a straight jacket look all day this is a release for me. It keeps me sane and recharges my batteries as I let out a loong and blood curdling electronic scream into these blog enteries about all the shit that went down during the day. Some things just cannot be said aloud. The world no matter how you look at it is sometimes not ready for what I have to say and keeping those poisonous thoughts inside of my is dangerous as it festers and rots within. Words that I believe that are really foreign in where I am and do should not even be uttered ... is where this olde bloggo comes in. It's a net that catches thoughts sometimes drifting through the air sometimes hurled at it with the ferocity of a hurricane. It's like a silent friend that listens and faithfully records everything that I say or shout, a silent shoulder for me to cry on when there is no one who would lend me one. It stands silently with me when no one else will. It becomes an extension of myself into the electronic world as I expand my thoughts into it. A temporary storage area for part of myself that the world might not want to meet or see. Letting me just unburden my thoughts into it at will.
Well there you have it the real selfish and dirty reason why I blog.... ahhh damn that felt good =)
