Man I tell you my office is really a well for stupidity. Wells of stupidity are sprouting everywhere ! The "olde faithful"==> DumbestArse spews it's potent content every hour or so. All I have to do is just tap into this rich source of stupidity and doodle my way to fame !! Step aside Lat !
( The fine print ) := to really enjoy the doodles you really have to believe that humans are really capable of such dumbness ...
This gem of a conversation happened when D.Arse just got to know me, and in this conversation the Head of the IT department in my company and me were discussing about building web applications.
Please note that as a defense mechanism I change into cartman whenever I hear something too stupid that my brain cannot handle ...
Darwin prolly would be damn happy to read news like this as it's the evidence that the missing link does exist ..... and they are alive and well in Sepilok in the Sandakan district.
Seriously though, if it was up to me you fuckers would get the electric chair / gas chamber whichever involves more pain.
Phantoms and ghosts in state seat debate
NG SU-ANN and OPALYN MOK at the Penang State Assembly on Monday
IN the month of the Hungry Ghost Festival, phantom voters and ghouls became the topics of the day during a debate to pass an amendment to the state constitution to increase the state seats from 33 to 40.
Citing a Chinese adage, Chief Minister Tan Sri Dr Koh Tsu Koon said the opposition liked to “look for bones in an egg,” and that was to create issues out of nothing.
“The opposition shouldn’t look for ghosts everywhere. Perhaps only ghosts can see other ghosts,” he said in his winding-up speech.
Opposition leader Abdul Rahman Abdul Kadir (Keadilan – Penanti) interjected, claiming he, too, knew of a Chinese saying and uttered the Hainanese saying: “Nang bo dee nang, kui bo dee kui “ which means one was neither a human nor a ghost.
This prayer was overheard while walking along the streets of Penang where large crowds of Chinese people pray to the hungry ghosts during the 7th month of the chinese calendar ... ( its's the month where the ghosts and phantoms are given "freedom" to roam the streets )
Hungry O hungry ghost ... Homeless ghost O homeless ghost
Please enjoy this feast of chicken, fruits, wine and other goodies...
Please also accept our offering of money, clothes and also election forms from SPR for you to cast your ballots for the coming elections....
after which you should go your way and we will go ours ..
So busy blogging I almost forgot to update on the intranet meeting. Please note that none of the contents of the conversation has been edited, only the faces of the main characters mainly the dumber ones has been beautified by doodling on it....
Legend :
Da Blog : The Smiley _without_ the dumbass pointer on it's head
DumbestArse : You had to ask ?
So Kavi, believe me when I say ... I know _EXACTLY_ how you feel.
The siphon-RM53.3-mil-from-Government cake recipe from Chef Wan ..
INGREDIENTS
Ingridients of the siphon-RM53.3-mil-from-government cake from Screenshots :
1 Leftenan Kolonel. ( 1 Leftenent Colonel )
1 Mejar. ( 1 major )
1 Sarjan. ( 1 seargent )
1 Orang Awam (Lelaki berusia 54 tahun) ( a 54 year old civilian )
1 really smart ministry of defense
Method
- Add all ingridients, stir briskly. Doesn't matter if you stir noisily or quietly as long as you have the really smart ministry of defense.
- Bake well
Update :
I have tried to correct the font size after being nagged about it for the umpteenth time ... if it doesn't work leave more comments please.
Wow ! A story about a man playing god will get to play in our theatres according to this ! Of course there were some like Religious Affairs Minister Abdul Hamid Zainal Abidin that complained "We cannot equate ourself with God Almighty, even as a joke.". Ah but Mr. Abdul Hamid the thing is god and Finas works in mysterious ways ... Just for your benefit and the benefit of the readers of this blog however I will disclose a little secret about how the processing of the flims are done in Finas. There is a high tech machines employed by Finas to process the flims ... highly top secret ...
So you see with such a complex piece of machinery in place, how can finas go wrong ? Sometimes we should just shut our yaps and accept what we cannot understand ...
The EPIC-I dudes are washing their hands of the BCB fraud issue !! Yeah ... you know EPIC-I dudes ...
The orang minyak took it ....
Money is missing from people's accounts including a few people I personally know, no one is responsible. It's not EPIC-I. God forbid it's BCB itself, so it must be that omnipotent being of P.Ramlee's show that is able to merge into the night ... Damn !! Why couldn't we have figured this out earlier ? It's must have been ...
Orang Minyak !!
Orang Minyak - Literally translated to mean oil man is a traditional malay hantu or ghost believe to able to make the people's money to disappear
spoiler alert !! ( then again what is to spoil about something so rotten ? )
New petronas advertisement stinks. Thought of writing something more about this but too much thoughts were getting in the way. I used to look foward to seeing the Petronas advertisements as they boasted a good underlying message. What with the deluge of adverts on the TV today potraying the people who use their products like retards high on crack adverts like this kinds of adverts were welcomed as they gave me hope that I didn't accidently get transported to the planet of the apes while I was asleep or something. It was something different and was something to look foward to as it had substance.
This time around though, this blog advises those of you who haven't seen petronas's advert this not to get you hopes up too high. It totally stinks. Some reasons for the blog declaring war on the new advert.
Stereotypical dumbness to the point of being insulting.
Dumb stereotypical scene #1 :
The opening scene where may 13th 1969 racial riots almost breaks out in the background when the two youngsters bump into each other at the hospital grunting "Oi tak nampak ke ?" while their fathers chat amicably in the foreground is classicly __STUPID__.
Dumb stereotypical scene #2 :
The last few scenes involving neandathral teenagers not caring to talk to each ( or caring wether their pillar of society fathers actually buy the farm or not ) other by loosing themselves in a SMS challenge is again classically __STUPID__ as well as __INSULTING__.
It's boring : ( Hint ) It's about someone dying _again_ !! **yawn** **yawn 2X**. Gawd !! you would have expected the _creative_ geniuses behind such a popular advert to stretch their creative muscles a bit. You get you paid those eye popping fees and this is the best you could come up with ? Hello people ! Enough about the longing for a friend who has died bit. Seen that ! Please don't make this into one of those soppy love movies ... augh !! Even the scene where the main characters reminisce about their past exploits is a rehash. I could just see it now ... the _creative_ behind this saying :
Brain 1 : "Alamak !! No idea lah for this year's advert ... what wanna show ha ... "
Brain 2 : "No problem ... we just rehash the same story last year ... just change the actors la ... no one will notice ..." Dude !! Guess what the people do notice and the blog hates it !!
The "Final Message" that is being played out with the camera focusing on the two kids is totally screwed by implying that youngsters nowadays are selfish and wouldn't even bother to reach out to one another. That is like the stupidest thing the blog has ever seen on the tube and trust me the blog has seen some pretty stupid stuff. Nothing could be further from the truth. Technology has brought us closer than ever before and the blog reaches out to other malaysians like him daily. Not being able to be physically close one another playing gasing and getting chased by hornets together does not for one second mean that we are not close. Not being able to be close physically to share the same physical space doesn't for one minute mean that we wouldn't want to if had the chance. This blog feels that patriotism is also alive and well too. Take a look at screenshots,VOI and suaraMalaysia. These blogs wants a better Malaysia to emerge out of the Malaysia that we have now ... and they are not the only ones... if that is not patriotism then this blog really doesn't know what is ... patriotism is alive and well among the many entries in the afore mentioned blogs if you look deep enough ... Love for our country is not only seeing it's beautiful side but also exposing the warty dark side to better it. Somehow the blog got the feeling that the advert was trying to insinuate that integration between people as well as races were stronger then were more patriotic. Bullshit alert !! You want to see patriotism and integration so bad but you are unwilling to dig a bit deeper ? Pretty flags and shouts of merdeka are just shallow representations. Patriotism and love for our country comes from within and our actions. People weren't "closer" or "more patriotic" then. In fact this blog argues that people are closer and more patriotic now, due to the huge amount of information one is able to read and learn using the internet ...
The advert suceeded to fire up this blog's patriotism but for all the wrong reasons. The _geniuses_ behind it most prolly did not mean for the nation's patriotism to be fired up by __hating__ the stupid message they were trying to put across in through their advert. The blog could have tolerated this one had it just stunk. But this one really stunk bad and insulted so that made it really bad. Time for war !
Aizuddin I know exactly what you mean. Politicians are full of shit. They should be called wakil sendiri instead of wakil rakyats. I had first hand experience in this. My wakil rakyat would always hand me to his secretary everytime I call him instead of taking the calls himself. Sometimes he is so efficient at doing this I haven't even had the chance to say my first word !! What the heck ?! I distinctly remember voting you in and not your secretary.
Fast foward a few months and it was time for my first election.Suddenly on the big day I see him dressed up outside the polling station. Dressed up in party do dads and voice as soft as a fairy. heh !! Ah !! so finally I see him outside the polling station, leading old ladies to the polling stations. A real pillar of the community. So they voted you in the last time so that could be led or helped to the polling station for the next election .Anyways, it was my first time voting and I remember reading somewhere that I should vote the person that I felt most confident could represent us the best and help us whenever we needed it ... I however felt very confused as the name of my people's representative ( wakil rakyat )'s secretary's name wasn't there. Shouldn't his name be there as he seemed to address and help me with all of my issues ? .... Why is it that your response and contact with me is inversely perpotionate to the election time ? If you could even live up to 20 % of the stuff you promise during your campaigns ... I would vote you in term after term ... Damn politicians ... don't even get me started ...
Yayy !! Tomorrow I am going for another one of my departments totally useless and inconsequential meetings !! Check out tomorrow's power packed agenda : To discuss ways of solving the problem of the company's intranet low hit counts Does an agenda of such immense proportions just grab you by the collar or what ?!? Dooh ! I could summarise in one word the cause of it... CONTENTS = C-O-N-T-E-N-T-S !!! There ! Problem solved ! Why am still attending this meeting then ? So as to make you safer when I nod my head when you suggest the problem might be linked to reading contents on the site is as interesting as watching cow grass grow. You really don't need to have a stupid MIS OFFICER title to figure something like that out. These are things that objects with the title humans can figure out !
For a bit of history the intranet was like started around 3 months ago. Getting these people to update the site was a task indeed as everytime any contents needed to be uploaded I had to go and explain what an "OK" button was and how did it function. I really wish I was kidding about these but this is what I had to deal with like daily. Sometimes I just resigned to the fact that these people were really never going to be intranet content savvy and did all their job for them.As you can see these people are really the geniuses of the earth. They leave an intranet just barren and empty with contents that were updated like say ummm ... 3 months ago then start wondering uh... why are we like gettin' such low hits ? They start thinking hard ... wondering why oh why their intranet's hits are going exponentially lower day after day after day ... I see you are thinking really hard in order not for you to strain your brains too much .... hmmm could I be so bold as to suggest that maybe Just maybe it might be due to the lack of fresh contents ?
All the ways of maintaining the 5s cleaniless standard in the office can only be read so many times before the poor readers contemplates suicide because of being bored out of their skulls ... and ooohhh I really got to read about those safety procedures before I begin my day .. Just don't feel right without going through those !! A definite MUST READ !! My dear people ... it's simple equation. Lack of fresh new contents equals lack of hits .... it's just that simple. What is there really to discuss ... Prolly these people just like the feel of sitting around that huge oak table in our meeting room. Grrr !! I think I should just bring in a lap top on the pretense of taking down the minutes of the meeting and just login to my blogger account .... time better spent ... I feel like I am trapped in a bad episode of Beavis and Butthead !
I tell you it's a good thing these so called meetings are private and held behind closed doors, cause if our competitors ever found out the dumbtards that are behind this company are second only to beavis and butthead through the minutes of the meetings they would be marching down to the company door instantly for a hostile takeover !! They would figure out that even if a hostile take over were to breathe down the neck of these people ... they would just hold another meeting To discuss strategies of avoiding hostile takeovers .... There always is a bright side of things my mind is trying to interject now ... I am thinking hard ... what could it be ... swimming in a sea of really stupid and time wasting reasons to attend the meeting tomorrow, I find a semblance of a gem ? ... It gives me a good reason to put a doodle of this blog's mascot here :
I caught Terminator 3 during the weekend. It was a huge freaking let down. It wasn't like I was expecting a whole lot from the movie in the first place but still it was a let down. So you could guess how bad it was. You would have thought that after 2 failed attempts sending terminators back to kill John Connor, skynet would have learnt it's lesson but nooo they didn't !! My expectations got lifted a tad when I saw the posters featuring a female terminator. I was hoping that they would bring the story in the right direction with this new terminator(ess ?) but my hopes were dashed the first time I saw her raining bullets on John Connor. D00ds !! If you can't kill the bastard, why don't send a sexy terminator(ess) to make him symphatise with the cyborg or machine's cause ?? Have her be his lover and show him the way of the machines. What is all this guns a blasting thing la !!?? Aiyoo !! Skynet dood / doodettes by doing this even if John Connor dies there will be others to take his place. Send a kind, sexy love machine back to give John the loving he has been missin' all his life ... and hey ! presto ! the machines got their way in the future. John won't even want to fight you ! Heck John with the terminatoress behind his back ( and a lot of other things ) ...might even presuade other humans to join in ...
Following this plot also it would give a chance for John and tX to engage in some steamy love scenes... something also totally missing from the show. John ( I didn't even bother finding out the actor's name ) walked all throughout the movie with this painful look on his face. I don't blame the dude, who wouldn't with such a babelicious tX punishin' u all the time instead of lovin' you. With the heroine too looking like one of the steel poles stand ins, this dude really gets my sympathy ...
There better not be a 4th installament to this dumb ass movie ! ..
This one is for mohan and cherno ... hopefully the new site doesn't get killed off again by the I-am-lazy-to-blog or the I-lost-my-login-password monster again !
For those uninitated ... their site is about the interactions of two humans ( them hopefully ) with their pet gorilla ...
At night when I sleep I think about torturing people. This kind of thinking strangely puts me to sleep. He he more proof that the source behind this blog is demented. Whenever I have trouble falling asleep, the thought about torturing people who I have some reason to hate never fails to lull this blog to sleep. In this land of my head it's where I rule. I am da big Kahuna... omnipotent ....I am like Duke Nuke 'em with the cheat of invinsiblity turned on I am like a god in here muahahaha ... ok ok I think you get the point ....
Currently the object of my nightly fantasies is this really pundekish lady staying behind my house. This lady never fails to switch on her dumbAssed music 3/4 of the maximum level everynight .. around 10.30 pm which is usually the time my mom goes to sleep. The matters are worse as my mom's room is situated at the back of my house and this makes it right infront of her room so in the full path of the assault. Yes assault is the word I use you senseless piece of cow dung ( just incase you happen to chance over this blog ) because there is just no other word to descibe the music that you play : loud, synthesised and monotonic. Just right for people with their ear drums removed, ear drums lined with titanium and brain dead people like you. The part that maybe your brilliant brain hasn't got around to figuring out is :
NOT EVERYBODY WANTS TO LISTEN TO TECHNO MUSIC LATE AT NIGHT !!!!
Lady ... the next time you get a summons from MPK ( Majlis Perbandaran Kuantan ) you know where it came from .. plus Congratulations !! ... you are going to be the object of my fantasies many nights to come ...
What I am gonna do to you if human rights don't exist ... you loud slut !!
